Coaching Codependency . . .

     . . . the Results

This is what you can look forward to when we work together: 

Acknowledgement and Acceptance

All the energy you have been putting into comparing yourself to others, cataloging other people’s faults, rescuing and changing them by exerting more and more force is exhausting and futile and most of all destructive.  The proverbial first step will be acknowledging what you may have been denying for years; that you are so busy paying attention to what is going on outside of you, focusing on what is going wrong that you have lost sight of what is inside of you and what is going right.  Once you get that, you will experience what it means to acknowledge and accept other people, circumstances and especially yourself.  You, my friend, will liberate all that energy previously spent fixing other people’s problems and channel it back to caring for yourself and caring for others, seeing yourself as equal to others, neither above nor below, neither victim nor villain.   Moving to another planet is not necessary!

Trust and Intimacy

My favorite definition of intimacy is: I share my reality with you and you share your reality with me and neither one of us is required to change.  You will begin to recognize and appreciate this intimacy without the compulsion to control, manipulate or correct.   Instead of feeling isolated, responsible and right, you will learn to express yourself without trying to impress (impose) upon others.  You will learn to set boundaries that are all about keeping the love in and the chaos out (as much as possible). And the best part?  You will learn how to give and receive support out of love, and your helping will actually help.

Communication  not Assump-ication.

One of my super smart clients and I came up with the word assump-ication to describe those conversations where you go into with it so many assumptions and expectations (premeditated resentments) you are not actually communicating, rather you are prepping for the same worn out confrontation.   You will learn to be able to have two-way conversations that are mutually revealing, forthright, respectful and safe with this principle in mind:  “Everyone owns a piece of the truth, but no one owns all of it.” –Susan Scott

Be It to See It

When “you spot it you got it” you can readily spot faults and defects in others, and it is often an indication of your own shortcomings that you just cannot see as easily because you are just not willing to look in the mirror. You will learn what an amazing dog trainer taught me as the exact opposite of you spot it you got it: “Be it to See it”.  Rather than unconsciously reacting, you will learn how to choose what/how/who you will be and then get the thrill of seeing these same traits in others.  This is how you will break free from controlling, manipulating, and saving others.  And this is how my dog learned to relax when there is a knock at the door, because I relaxed when there was a knock at the door.